Skip to main content

Maybe i'll just never be chosen by anyone

 It's such a super sad line that ive just said repeatedly about myself. Most of the times, i thought that i can never be good enough for anyone. I saw people leave, I saw people not put anything to fight for me, I saw that people chose the others rather than me. 

I came to a realization that, maybe i'm just not suitable for anyone. I hope it's just a current situation that won't happen that long. I wish it's just a phase then i'll find the right one someday.

No matter how much i sell myself, promoting myself, i just never find if that's the right idea to do. Here, in January, i felt like imma just keep my tone a little bit lower than before. I'm trying to not be too loud, or saying too much things. I'll just work on something.

It feels so lonely to be here alone without anyone to rely on, and knowing i've lost lots of my friends for idk whatever the reason is. But maybe, i'll be just fine soon. Watching people leave is never a new thing. I've been going through it for so long, for many years, in many ocassions. Dad leaves, Mom leaves, even my ex leaves. But they sometimes come back, bcs they had the love. But some others aren't.

It's really hard keeping up people around. I can't force anyone to stay. I can't force people to choose to be with me. With all the redflags, it's really normal when people don't wanna give a shit about me.

Well, i hope it wont last long. I hope im able to find someone who sticks around forever with me, without i have to beg, or ask. I hope i'll just live the good life like what everyone else has. The normal one, with being chosen with someone i loved. With myself not needing to seek for people, or explaining what i feel like the world is just always new. I want a home and peace.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

18 days post the break up

25 Okt 2024, writing this on 18th days post our break up.  Aku gak tau akan tujukan ini ke siapa, tapi mungkin ke kamu, and let me just be honest here.  3-7 hari pertama adalah yang paling berat, i can not stop blaming myself for what happened. I look back, regret, sesekali aku berpikir bahwa keputusanku untuk udahin ini semua terlalu terburu-buru tanpa banyak pertimbangan. Sesekali aku menyesal, thinking i shouldve done better, i shouldve treated you better, i shouldve not hurt you and broke my promise in the first place. Aku bertanya, mencari alasan kenapa ini semua gak bisa diperbaiki. Kenapa kita sama-sama gak usahakan lagi? Luckily, everything answered the moment we met. Kamis malam, di Bandung, i cant do anything but freeze. The night was cold, the only thing that felt warm was your hug. I was too scared to sit right beside you. I was too scared to put my trust back on you. It feels like being with a stranger with so many familiarities. Like ive known you so long but at ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is it really a 'Serendipity'?

 17th Aug, 24. It's never too late to start writing back, no? I decided to open up this blog and start writing some thoughts,knowing that life has been a bit chaotic the past few months. Maybe if i could take a word to describe, i'll choose 'Serendipity'. Serendipity. noun. ser·​en·​dip·​i·​ty ˌser-ən-ˈdip-ət-ē :  the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not looked for. Kalo gue tarik mundur the exact 6 bulan ke belakang, gue sadar i found so many new faces, places, & created memories yang gue ga pernah expect untuk ada dari dulu. People i thought never exist suddenly came up with each of their unique roles. Gue cukup banyak mengambil keputusan lucu yang impact ke hidup gue significantly sampai hari ini. And most of them--adalah sesuatu yang gue ga pernah benar-benar cari atau expect to happen . Like it was just, happened , accidentally. Six months ago, i declared myself that i loved someone, let's call him M, i loved him so much that I thought i wont le...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hi, Riq

  To my dearest buddy--well now is my boyfriend, Naufal Ariq, i have no idea if someday you'll read this words or no. I probably wont show this to you and i am sorry for keeping this as a secret.  Deep down, im truly happy for your existence. Youre like a sun after my stormy days. You brought uncountable laughs, joys, and im totally grateful for having you around. As a bestfriend, and now a boyfriend, which---i still never expected this. When i heard that you love me too, i wouldnt believe it.  But for real it, please let me be kind and treat you well with no fears, no doubts, without being scared of watching you leave like others in my past.  Please let me love you slowly, unconditionally, without me needing to ask for anything in return because i believe you'll do things for me without i have to explain.  Please make things easy for us and i will do the same.  Please stay, please let me be your light in your darkest days, let me be your home when you're e...
Post a Comment
Read more