LITTLE ADVENTURE

Well, i'll just let it be, i guess?  Maybe it's just what happen when you're growing up. Life doesn't always work the same as what you expected, or what you prayed for. It's normal.

I was driving my car under the blue sky, listening to my favorite song of The Script's, feeling so full after a bowl of warm chicken porridge and cold americano. Manado was bright that day, i couldn't ask for more. A call passed by my phone, it was my boss calling.  "You'll move to Lampung, you'll be handling the GT."  He said. I was shocked.  I couldn't barely express my feeling. I didn't know what to say, or what to feel. I got so many questions on my head.  "Why do i need to move to smaller city?" "Why smaller numbers of team and  scope of work?" "Why me?" I knew right it was a part of company's productivity plan, where people are being cut off, where people are moving from one role to another, where people are shocked by surprises they never wished for.  Here's my analysis of the pro and cons of moving to the new city: (+) It's much closer to home. I even cut 2mio in my flight cost back home. (+) Everything...

 17th Aug, 24. It's never too late to start writing back, no? I decided to open up this blog and start writing some thoughts,knowing that life has been a bit chaotic the past few months. Maybe if i could take a word to describe, i'll choose 'Serendipity'. Serendipity. noun. ser·​en·​dip·​i·​ty ˌser-ən-ˈdip-ət-ē :  the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not looked for. Kalo gue tarik mundur the exact 6 bulan ke belakang, gue sadar i found so many new faces, places, & created memories yang gue ga pernah expect untuk ada dari dulu. People i thought never exist suddenly came up with each of their unique roles. Gue cukup banyak mengambil keputusan lucu yang impact ke hidup gue significantly sampai hari ini. And most of them--adalah sesuatu yang gue ga pernah benar-benar cari atau expect to happen . Like it was just, happened , accidentally. Six months ago, i declared myself that i loved someone, let's call him M, i loved him so much that I thought i wont le...

25 Okt 2024, writing this on 18th days post our break up.  Aku gak tau akan tujukan ini ke siapa, tapi mungkin ke kamu, and let me just be honest here.  3-7 hari pertama adalah yang paling berat, i can not stop blaming myself for what happened. I look back, regret, sesekali aku berpikir bahwa keputusanku untuk udahin ini semua terlalu terburu-buru tanpa banyak pertimbangan. Sesekali aku menyesal, thinking i shouldve done better, i shouldve treated you better, i shouldve not hurt you and broke my promise in the first place. Aku bertanya, mencari alasan kenapa ini semua gak bisa diperbaiki. Kenapa kita sama-sama gak usahakan lagi? Luckily, everything answered the moment we met. Kamis malam, di Bandung, i cant do anything but freeze. The night was cold, the only thing that felt warm was your hug. I was too scared to sit right beside you. I was too scared to put my trust back on you. It feels like being with a stranger with so many familiarities. Like ive known you so long but at ...

 I rarely do this, tapi gue sangat amat menikmati ini. Gue jarang banget punya weekend yang peaceful. I used to leave the house by 9am on Sat, seharian hang out dan kerja, go to gym, dan baru take a rest di malam hari. Normally, gue punya banyak pendingan housechores yang males banget buat gue kerjain, either cuci baju, rapihin kamar, etc. But surprisingly, hari ini gue memilih untuk getting as chill as I can. Gue mencoba untuk ga melulu maksain badan gue buat "do as the routine" or "do as structured". Gue pengin ngerasain untuk punya weekend tanpa schedule, tanpa rutinitas, di mana gue bisa sesuka gue menunda kerjaan walaupun konsekuensinya adalah ga pergi ke luar. Ternyata ga seburuk itu kok. Sabtu malam ini, i got no friends to talk to. All alone, in my room. 7pm and i'm writing this. Gue baru aja menyadari bahwa sebenernya ga ada yang salah juga kalo gue memilih buat do something else outside my routine. Ga ada salahnya juga kalo gue ga ngepush diri ini buat...

Gue bener2 clueless bgt sm hidup gue lately. Curiously thinking, 7 bulan terakhir rasanya kaya lagi floating, ngga tau mau ke mana, ga tau apa yg gue kerjain bakal menghasilkan apa, ga tau akan ada di posisi ini berapa lama, sampe kapan. I just dont have any destination to go, and im going nowhere. Gue rasanya kaya lagi running on treadmill, keep doing it tapi ga tau ujungnya akan sampe di mana. I just live, with no goals, no ambitions, no dreams, no hopes. Feel like im losing myself bgt. Gue ga bener-bener punya orang yg gue percaya buat cerita. Too sad to be open up anyway. Yakin gue berani nangis2 being true to people? Sama temen lama aja gue ga berani. Sama orang terdekat apa lagi. Sama keluarga?oh, nopeee. All they knew is im beyond happy sm hidup gue sekarang. Or at least, kalo gue ngerasa gue kosong, ujung2nya cuma diminta buat "banyakin bersyukur". And what i believe the most is, people hate me when i'm showing my true colors; desperate, gloomy, and sad.  Orang2 g...