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On a Saturday Night...

 I rarely do this, tapi gue sangat amat menikmati ini.

Gue jarang banget punya weekend yang peaceful. I used to leave the house by 9am on Sat, seharian hang out dan kerja, go to gym, dan baru take a rest di malam hari. Normally, gue punya banyak pendingan housechores yang males banget buat gue kerjain, either cuci baju, rapihin kamar, etc.

But surprisingly, hari ini gue memilih untuk getting as chill as I can. Gue mencoba untuk ga melulu maksain badan gue buat "do as the routine" or "do as structured". Gue pengin ngerasain untuk punya weekend tanpa schedule, tanpa rutinitas, di mana gue bisa sesuka gue menunda kerjaan walaupun konsekuensinya adalah ga pergi ke luar. Ternyata ga seburuk itu kok.

Sabtu malam ini, i got no friends to talk to. All alone, in my room. 7pm and i'm writing this.

Gue baru aja menyadari bahwa sebenernya ga ada yang salah juga kalo gue memilih buat do something else outside my routine. Ga ada salahnya juga kalo gue ga ngepush diri ini buat tick all the boxes of things to do--kecuali kerjaan. Gue skip gym 3 sesi minggu ini, gue ga kardio sama sekali, padahal gue punya ambisi buat lari at least 20k/week. Ternyata kalopun ga dilakukan, ya gapapa juga. Kalo gue memilih buat mager-mageran di kamar dibanding ngegym atau lembur, ya gapapa juga. Kenapa selama ini rasanya kaya bersalah dan gagal banget ya kalo gue ga lakuin "keharusan-keharusan" yang gue buat sendiri ini? Padahal, none pushed me to do it. None forced me to do it. Dan ga ada yang dirugikan juga kalo gue ga lakuin.

By this, i realized how hard i was on myself di beberapa minggu dan bulan terakhir. Gue banyak banget bikin target buat diri gue, banyak bikin boundaries untuk ga lakuin ini dan itu, yang ujung-ujungnya bikin gue agak linglung, jalanin semua karena autopilot, tapi ga mindful. Jadi impactnya ga berasa juga.

MUNGKIN, gue harus lebih mindful ketika lakuin hal ini dan itu. Mungkin gue harus lebih wise, bahwa gue bisa lakuin apapun yang gue mau. I dont have to be too hard to live, no?

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