LITTLE ADVENTURE

 funny how a person could keep so many secrets.

'Lets find something exciting to bring your sparks back' - said a friend to me. When i told him im no longer see the life as exciting as it was. While busy finding the rootcause, i think i'll just write things down. Of who i wanna be, of what i seek, of what i find exciting. Either to grab back the sparks , or as a lists of things i must do before my death. -- So here's my top list! 1. Volunteering. Teaching kids, developing a district, contribute to a conservation.  2. 

 Just someday, maybe i'll runaway out of everything to find my own peace. The thoughts to end these all keep coming back. The idea of feeling worthless, useless, thinking that im such a huge failure and disappointment keep rising--and i couldnt help myself this time. Gue merasa apapun yg gue kerjain sekarang ga akan ada artinya buat siapapun, including diri gue sendiri.  Gue nggak punya cita-cita yg gue pegang. Gue nggak punya bayangan dari hidup ideal itu kayak gimana. I even think--kalo gue udahin semuanya sekarang, things will just be fine, people will easily forget me, and i'll be replaced within days. Karena gue believe, gue ga pernah se-matters itu buat orang lain. Buat dunia ini. They'll just remember my name, but that's it.  Well, maybe someday. Maybe when i'm ready. Maybe when the time is right. Maybe when the light is no longer here. I'll just let go of everything.